Categories
Life

I’ve Started a Substack Page

After making a Substack page and then abandoning it for fear of not knowing what to write, thinking I had to ONLY write about one topic, I’ve come back in hopes of gaining more traction with readers.

It’s also opened up a new avenue of chapter-by-chapter releases of novellas where I can workshop it a little bit before hitting publish into the big, scary world of self-published books.

You can find my first novella debut there – right now! – called The Snowy Christmas.

Seriously, check it out. It’s FREE!

As I get rid of social media in the classic sense (see yah, Instagram), I’m using Substack as my place of community. So, if you’d like to connect, check it out.

I will be working on figuring out if this website (the one I’ve neglected for a while) will mirror Substack in most ways, or if I’ll be doing something different. Most likely, they will be similar with more ways to connect on Substack and maybe a few different things over here.

I’m finished trying to make everything perfectly curated and am just throwing everything out there into the world, enjoying myself, and hoping others will come along for the ride.

Categories
TV & Books

I’m so Glad Rory Gilmore – Finally – Failed

Can we talk about how creepy it is that the entire town of Stars Hollow was so in love with Rory that we, basically, forgot about every other kid that lived there? How was she such a beloved character while being, honestly, not that noteworthy? While smart, she wasn’t gifted. She studied her ass off all the time, which just makes you good at studying. She read A LOT. I can relate to her always carrying a book around, but I still never read as much as Rory did in a single week. She was awkward as can be, and while decently good-looking, not an all-out stunner.

I know, get the Burn Book out, but hear me out. We’ve watched season after season, somehow delighted in a show full of angst — both teenage and adult — watching as the town dotes on a girl that has, really, not much going for her. There is nothing incredibly exciting about Rory Gilmore, and yet, everyone was expected to be in love with her and bow down to her every move. She never held a job, only helping out from time-to-time at her mother’s Inn. She rarely joined in any extra-curriculars, and actually took an absolute fit about it at her fancy prep school when she was forced to. The most exciting thing about her, growing up, was that she knew pretty much every movie ever made, which is actually something that she got/was forced upon from her mom.

She seems like a regular ol’ introvert kid, just hoping to get out of her tiny town and into a big University where studying and smarts is supposed to be seen as the normal. She’s just a pretty smart kid, if she stuck to the track and didn’t think she was better than the rest, could’ve been extremely successful in life.

Some may have been crestfallen right along with Rory, that she didn’t make it as a big-time reporter, that she wasn’t a running writer for the New Yorker, that she wasn’t even a columnist for any local paper. When Mitchum Huntzberger told her she didn’t have what it took to make it to the top, we all shouldn’t have been surprised. Not because he’s an asshole, which I guess he kind of was, but because what makes her so special that she sure beat out all the rest of the candidates? All of the other women and men who worked their asses off to get to the same position, but probably did it with more pizzazz and oomph than she ever did? She has no discernible features or qualities, no wowing personality. She’s simply a reasonably hard-worker who wants to be a writer.

I’ll tell ya, there’s a long line of those.

Instead of taking the time to look into herself and wonder why someone, who is incredibly successful in the business she hopes to one day break into, wouldn’t think that she has what it takes, she spirals out of control. Her mother, a woman with her own insane faults, takes an absolute fit and blames everything that Rory does thereafter on Huntzberger. Because, like we’ve been taught throughout the show, how could anyone say Rory wasn’t gifted? That she wasn’t made for the big time newspapers? Lorelai goes further than any proud parent of their child, believing that Rory is different than anyone else, that maybe she has to be different because Lorelai, herself, is nothing special.

To be fair to Rory, if you’ve lived your whole life having people sing your praise just for walking down the damn street, then you’ll probably be thrown off-kilter when someone tells the truth: yes, you’re smart and talented, but it’s not enough, there are thousands of others just like you. She could’ve had a few days to wallow and cry, get that out of her system, and then make a plan and figure out just how she was going to be successful. Just what she was going to do to prove Mitchum wrong. Taking a fit and quitting Yale isn’t quite the route to making it. When the reboot of Gilmore Girls came around, I breathed a happy sigh of relief when Rory wasn’t off doing whatever she wanted, successful to the letter.

Not only was I still chafed at the fact that she turned Logan down when he proposed (contrary to everyone’s belief, you can get married and still have goals and a career), as he was clearly the best of the boyfriend’s she had. Dean was an absolute douche. Jess, though a mess, would’ve been the only other suitable companion for her, obviously. Besides the fact that she couldn’t figure out her love life, I was still mad at the fact that she was made to be so wonderful.

Things just seemed to fall into her lap. Her grandparents paid for her to attend a prep school, then they paid for her to go to her college of choice. Her struggles felt in the reboot made Rory’s life seem more real, more normal. She wasn’t being coddled by the world, like she had been by her mother, her grandparents, and the entirety of Stars Hollow. She, finally, had to go out there and make it on her own. And, guess what? She realized that it’s kind of hard out there for someone who wants to be a writer, even harder for that someone who thinks that that type of work should just fall into her lap, tied together with a pretty bow.

Doyle and Paris? You knew they were going places. They had the type of personalities that people either loved or hated, but you still respected. Though I loved watching Rory grow up as I grew up, myself, I didn’t hold any respect for her. Maybe because she didn’t seem to actually respect anyone around her. Maybe because everything was handed to her, yet she whined that she wasn’t like the trust fund kids she went to school with. Hell, maybe it was just because I was jealous that her life seemed so perfect. Whatever it was, my thirst for revenge was sated when real life crept in and Rory Gilmore, finally (finally!), realized she needed to figure things out on her own.

Categories
Uncategorized

I Published a Book and it Feels…Not How I Imagined

At the start of the year, my friend and I did something really cool — we published a baby book together. It was fun planning out what the book would look like, getting together to talk about our project at a Starbuck’s (obviously) and putting it all together. I wrote the story, she did the illustrations, and we took over a month trying to figure out how to self-publish on Amazon without ruining the illustrations.

I thought it would be such a joyous moment, publishing my first book, thought it would feel exciting to brag to people that I did something I had only dreamed of doing. It didn’t really work that way, though. Imposter Syndrome was taking hold of my brain and there was nothing I could do about it. After the exciting moment of hitting publish wore off, I started to worry about what people would think. Would they hate the writing? Would they think it sounds stupid? Would they hate the illustrations? Would they think they could have written a book like this and make more money than us? Would people laugh in our faces for even trying?

There were a lot of ‘would theys’ running through my mind, more than I thought could fit in there at one time. I always knew I would have some nervous feelings and doubt in that I could do something like publish a book – I just didn’t know it would take a hold of me so strongly.

Some of it came down to the fact that the book didn’t look exactly how we imagined it to. We couldn’t do an actual board book, which is best for babies who like to chew and rip at pages, because Amazon doesn’t offer that type of printing. We had to change some of the colours we used on the illustrations as when it was scanned into the computer it didn’t take properly. We had to re-imagine what the layout would look like as the book needed to be a certain number of pages to be published and the writing wouldn’t show up as nicely as we thought it would on the pages.

Not only did I have the regular Imposter Syndrome, I was having doubts on how our book looked. Changing styles and formats can happen when publishing, of course, that’s nothing new. Having to do such things yourself is stressful. A lot more stressful than people make it out to be. This is also why people don’t self-publish automatically. We decided we didn’t care and just wanted to do it, a thought-process that has taken me literally over a decade to realize.

Even though the publishing process wasn’t as exciting as I thought it would be, I’m still feeling excited for the future. We’ve already started on a second baby book, getting ready to publish that bad boy by spring. As any writer knows, sometimes you just need to get the story out, regardless if anyone reads it. It may not be a novel (yet), but it’s a fun way to tell a story. It may not have been perfect, but what road is? Stop listening to that Imposter Syndrome and go for your dreams; it may not lead you where you thought, but you’ll have taken the chance on yourself and that means so much more.

Want to check it out? I made a whole page dedicated to my published book right here on this blog.

Categories
Life

Procrastination is Still Procrastination Even if you’re Being Productive

Procrastination gets us all at one time or another, doesn’t it. Even if you’re the most studious in whatever you’re doing, there will be moments when you hit a wall and don’t want to do anything. Or, want to do everything but what you need to do. It may feel good to get another task done, and like you’re still being productive, but it doesn’t matter how you dress it up, it’s still procrastination.

If you’re not meant to be doing it, then cleaning your house, organizing your drawers, gardening, shying away from the one task on your to-do list that you must complete, then it’s procrastination. Yes, even if you are doing other work. Especially if you are doing work that doesn’t need to be done right now, or maybe ever.

I used to think that as long as I was writing, I was being a good little girl and getting my work done. Sometimes, certain projects took over, and others were left to wait it out. Usually, it works out nicely. Work for clients always takes precedent over my own projects because, well, they’re paying me. Plus, there’s that whole reputation thing and people tend to complain if you tell them that you’re more important than whatever it is they’re paying you to do.

Fair.

If I was doing something to build an audience, or to get that idea that just popped into my mind down on paper (er, computer screen), then it was okay. I was still working, so obviously there was no harm no foul. 10 months later…and…I’m still staring at that goal I made months ago, barely able to inch forward. I’m using the excuse of writing here on Medium, looking for new freelance jobs, and thinking of new projects (yep, even more, because why would I finish a project when I could start a new one) to not work on my own project.

For me, imposter syndrome is what derails my plans to get cracking on that project, complete it, and send it out into the world. For a lot of people, without any research done at all on the topic, I’m sure that’s the same reason. It’s easier to procrastinate, do something else, start a new project, than to finish one and succumb to the possibility of bad comments. Who would want to crush their dreams, even if a few people are balking at them, when they could keep it alive by never finishing anything?

While you may feel like you’re accomplishing a lot, you’re really not when it comes to the most important things. So, what can you do? Well, for one, just do the damn project. Find out what is stopping you from moving forward. Are you not interested in it anymore? Is imposter syndrome hitting you hard? Have you been working too long and just need a break? Do you need to get some small tasks out of the way to feel accomplished before you hit the bigger ones?

When I was working in an office, I used to make a list of everything I needed to do that day. While I was having my coffee and slowly starting my day, I crossed off most of the easy things on my list right away, leaving a few for when my brain felt tired and sad. It made me feel like I had already accomplished so much and I could ride that high while I tackled the big things I had been putting off. Sometimes, a conversation with another co-worker to clear my brain and add some happy hormones to my body was enough to get me going.

Find whatever makes you feel like you’re ready to get back to working and stick with it until that doesn’t feel like it’s working. It’s always good practice to pivot in everything you do, whenever it’s needed.

Now get out there, stop procrastinating by reading this post, and get those projects done.