self care – Juniper and Daisies

5 Self-Care Rituals to Get you Through the Holidays

The holidays can be a stressful time of year; there are parties to go to, nails and hair to get done, dresses to buy, presents to find, and still our regular day-to-day activities to do. That’s a lot in just a short month. Why do we do this to our self each and every year? If you haven’t yet learned how to say no to all those parties and get-togethers (it’s so much harder than you think!), then taking time for yourself will help you not lose your damn mind.

Meditate
Yes, this is on my list and everyone else’s self-care list and everything wonderful you can do by yourself because IT WORKS. I have high anxiety (have you noticed?) and severe migraines and just the simple act of breathing helps. But, sitting there and just breathing isn’t going to work.

Find a comfortable spot to sit so you’re either cross-legged (like on a yoga mat. If you have tight hips like I do, use a blanket, block, or bolster to get your hips off the ground and for a better feel) or sitting in a chair with your feet flat on the ground.

Put your palms face down on either of your knees.

Close your eyes and focus only on yourself.

Breathe in through your nostrils, letting your whole body fill with air. Breathe in deeply and slowly so that your stomach, chest and ribs expand to let in your breath.

Breathe out through your nostrils slowly, paying attention to how your chest will fall first, then your stomach.

Focus on your body filling with air, expanding and contracting as you let your breath out.

If you are having trouble focusing on your breath and need a little something extra to quiet your mind (believe me, it’s hard!), focus on a glowing orb in your body. As you breathe in, it travels up from your belly, up your spine and to your head. As you breathe out, it will travel down from your head to your chest, then your belly, again, completing a full circle.

Don’t worry if you can’t sit and focus only on your breathing. Some days are harder than others and it’s hard to focus inwards on your first try. Either set a timer to break you out of your meditation (go for a light alarm instead of the usual blasting one that gets you out of bed in the mornings) or breathe until you feel content, light, and relaxed.

Mask it Up
You’re stressed. So your skin is probably pissed at you and acting out in ways you thought were over when you were 16. This one works two-fold in self-care. You’re going to get the benefits of your face mask AND the benefits of sitting still and relaxing as you let that beautiful clay sink into your skin. Double up your relaxation by adding that mask to your face when you’re in a bath. I’ve been taking baths 2-3x a week, now, instead of showers and I’m feeling so good. It gives me 20 minutes by myself (before my daughter comes screaming in demanding her bath), I add Epsom salts for my muscles and migraines, and read.

Read
Before you go thinking this is a dumb way to self-care, hear me out! When was the last time you picked up a book and read it just for fun? Some of you are probably saying ‘duh, like every day’ while a lot of you are failing to make eye contact. Guaranteed you’re either working your butt off to shatter those glass ceilings, making sure your house doesn’t fall apart, watching Netflix, or scrolling through your phone. None of those things are at ALL relaxing. Hello, have we heard of this fucked up thing called blue-light? Listen, ever since I started my evening routine, I’ve started feeling way more relaxed and calm, letting me fall asleep earlier, faster and better. What’s a major part of that evening routine? Reading!

Grab a book and start reading. It’ll make you sit down and concentrate on only ONE THING, the book in front of you. If you’re finding that you’re re-reading sentences more than once and not understanding what’s going on (free pass if you’re reading Tolstoy…does anyone ever know what’s going on there?), head on back up to the first tip and grab a meditation session to clear your head.

Take 5 Minutes
Just five minutes! That’s barely any time at all! Take those five minutes, whenever you feel the most need for them. Whether it’s sitting and enjoying your coffee in the morning, instead of chugging it down, reading an article you normally wouldn’t indulge in, a really quick yoga practice, or simply just calling someone you love (although, this could end up being way more than 5 minutes). Take the 5 minutes to indulge in yourself.

Walk or Exercise
Yeah, I know it’s cold out and it’s not the time to go gallivanting in a forest (except it’s so beautiful!). But! Getting outside into that fresh air will make you feel so much better about everything around you. Simply going for a walk around the block, out into your yard, or for a full day’s hike in nature will set you back to that feeling of quiet content. Often, just standing on my deck and taking in a few big, deep, mindful breaths gets me feeling right again.

Stress, Self-Care, and Finding a Way out of the Storm

I wrote most of this a few years ago, and man, did SO much happen since. Lots of great stuff, then a pandemic changing everything, pregnancy, my now 2 year old daughter. I can pin-point what was happening that made me write this, but it also holds true for times during the pandemic AND into motherhood. The idea that there isn’t enough time to do anything, and the world feels like it’s crumbling is something most of us have become accustomed to. Anyways, here’s my old take on a different type of self-care routine, and how it looks very similar to my self-care routine as a busy mom.

I’m a big believer in Self-Care. Most of what you see on your feed and magazines is all about masks and bubble baths and going to get your nails done, but that’s not the type of self-care I’m talking about. Yes, those all help if that’s your jam (and you can afford the extras), but it’s not the self-care that hits home for me. My self-care includes those things, but a little more, like acupressure mats, nature, meditation, and therapy.

The stress of trying to do everything all at once is crushing us. Pursuing our dreams, working a 9-5 if our dreams have not yet been realized, being the best partner, being the best friend, being the best parent, being the best mentally and physically. PLUS keep a work-life balance AND look good on Instagram? Impossible. Where do we fit in the time for self-care if we’re doing so much to achieve all of the above? Where do we fit in the time to just sit and stare at a TV and decompress?

As a migraine sufferer and someone with extremely high anxiety, I am all for self-care. I think it’s wonderful to sit down at the end of the day with a face mask and read before bed, giving myself that extra time to do what I love instead of chores or work (even if that work is my passion). It’s amazing to take a meditation session on the dock on my pond, listening to the birds chirp and the grasses and leaves blow in the breeze. That’s my self-care. I use it as a preventative ‘medicine’ coupled with my real medicine to keep my migraines at bay and myself sane.

A lot of people take self-care a little too seriously and a little too far (see: calling into work ‘sick’ or bailing on friends because you’re feeling a little stressed and ‘deserve’ a spa day). We’ve gone from having a hard time saying no to anything to thinking we need to say no to everything. At least, that’s the consensus on Instagram posts.

Feeling like we’re having to do absolutely seemingly has caused us to burn the fuck out and backtrack. But, in order to get back on track we’ve begun to think that we need entire days, weekends, weeks, of doing all of these amazingly blissful things. Obviously caught on camera, because then it doesn’t count.

But, here’s the thing: you can get through it. Without the full spa days and the binge-watching or the numerous yoga sessions. Are they amazing? Yes. Has a festival changed my entire life after putting things into perspective and allowing me to just breathe? Also, yes. But, we can’t be heading off to festivals every single weekend, or month. At least, I sure as hell can’t.

These last two months have been horrible and amazing. So many great things happened, so many things to celebrate and be happy for. An equal amount of terrible things have happened that made our lives busier, more stressful, and shook us. I’m penning this post the day after the storm has ended. There’s still a straggler stressing me out, causing me grief, but the busy schedule and the don’t-stop-keep-going is over.

Guys, I didn’t think I’d make it. Not in a suicidal sense, but in a sense that my body and mind was about to give up and I’d have a nervous break-down. It was too much to handle and one thing after the other kept piling up (much like my laundry and my kitchen table during these last two months). I had written in my notebook at work, usually kept to make lists of things to do that day, that I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t keep going. I was starting to break, but I couldn’t show it because there was too much going on, both wonderful and horrible, that I needed to make it through, enjoying what I could.

Looking at the words today, I’m surprised by how broken I had felt. I don’t feel that way anymore; I feel as if I can take on the next big issue and work through it without falling to pieces over something as simple as an e-mail (which had happened in the last couple months). I definitely know that all of that stress wasn’t healthy for me, that some of the food choices I made in the quick minute I had weren’t the best, that skipping a de-stressing routine wasn’t doing me any favours. And, of course, that only added to my stress.

So, where does self-care come in through all of this? It does, and it doesn’t. I didn’t do as much yoga (really, barely any), I didn’t meditate as much as I should have, I didn’t spend mornings or evenings reading on the deck, enjoying those beautiful sunsets I love so much. But, I did sneak in 5-10 minutes on the dock, just listening to nature and letting my feelings be heard and start to work themselves out, unraveling the little balls of stress my brain was storing.

I stretched out my neck and did a sun salutation or two, resulting in a 3 minute yoga session. Not 30 minutes or an hour, like normal. I put on a face mask and read for 30 minutes before bed at the start of my most hectic weekend, carving out just that small amount of time specifically for a minute of solitude and comfort. I wrote down my stress and my feelings while at work to keep myself going. It wasn’t the ‘normal’ self-care that everyone talks about.

The hours, or days, that I must take to self-actualize and regenerate. It was 2 minutes here, 5 minutes there, 30 seconds on some days. It was catching my breath to ensure that I could keep working on the tasks at hand. It was the idea that, eventually, everything would right itself – it had to – and that the little stresses barely registered. I used what little time I had to sneak in sessions to just breathe and right my brain.

While the stress and schedule isn’t feasible in the long term, I now know that I can get through insanely busy and stressful times by sneaking in time for myself, even if it’s not as long as it normally is. And, because I finally have one, an extra session with my therapist. The ultimate self-care.