Everyone talks about how hard it is to make friends when you’re older. And they’re correct. For the most part. I made friends easily from elementary school to high school. It was easy, still, to make friends in university and find friends at work. You’re seeing the same people day in and day out, so you get to know them slowly and yet so fast. That’s the funny thing about making friends in an office — you may only know your deskmate for a month, and yet, they feel like your childhood best friend because of how much time is spent with one another.
Now, instead of in an office, my time is mainly spent with my daughter. As a stay-at-home mom, I’m realizing the difficulty in finding friends, especially in an age where there are fewer of us, with more moms returning to work. That means fewer moms at home in the neighbourhood to get together for coffee or play dates during the day. Which means less easily made connections. While I’m not looking solely for stay-at-home mom friends, it would be nice to be able to have a little break during the morning or afternoon, the longest and most tiring part of my day, and talk to an adult.
I joined Peanut, an app for moms to meet one another and chat. I also joined Bumble, hoping for some friends who may not be moms but would love to chat or meet for lunch. I wasn’t picky and just wanted to expand my circle a little more. Damn, guys, she’s rough out there. Even with using the Mom Tinder, as my husband calls it, I’ve yet to find a good mom friend. People don’t respond, you don’t click, you can’t arrange meet-ups between two schedules, conversations get forgotten and fall away. When the Mom Tinder wasn’t working, I looked toward the activities I signed up for with the baby. They were supposed to get me out of the house to meet new people, and yet…
Why are we all so closed off? Are we just nervous? I know I felt that way when I had my first ‘mom date’ with someone I met. I was worried about what I’d wear and how I’d look to this other mom, who probably had it together more than I did. I bet she did the dishes that day or doesn’t have a pile of laundry staring her in the face constantly. Don’t worry, the worry was for naught, and the friendship fizzled away like most first dates.
We see jokes that moms will befriend any other mom with similar-aged kids, even if they’re a serial killer, but it doesn’t seem to apply to real life (for that, I am thankful, of course). I’m not going to lie; part of it is true…when I saw a mom walking her baby a few weeks ago, I wanted to run up to her and say hello! Let’s be friends, or at the very least, walking buddies! She was further up the path from me, and I really would have had to hoof it. Alas, running up to strangers and shouting at them to be friends is seen as terrifying, so I refrained from chasing her down and just kept walking to the park, hoping by some form of kismet, we’d meet again.
Maybe we’re all too shy, too nervous to sound silly, too tired, or too mom-brained to form normal sentences with adults. Maybe I need to wait until my daughter is older when she makes her own friends, where I can then latch on greedily to whatever parent is nearby. Whatever the reason why forming mom friendships is so hard, I’m surprising myself with how outspoken I can be and yet incredibly shy. And finding out new things about yourself is always rewarding. Right? I’ll wait patiently for now and try my best not to run after moms I see on the street. No promises, though.
Juniper and Daisies 