A while back, I uninstalled Instagram from my phone and, nearly, instantly felt better. But, like all good habits, I broke down after a week and installed it back on my phone. Although, it was less about a craving and more about a want. Still tied up in an ugly habit, of course.
The automatic motion to find the app, to pick up my phone when my mind wandered was almost completely gone, but I was finding myself missing Instagram in a way I hadn’t felt in a long time. I missed certain accounts. Adorable cat sanctuaries with their updates on their animals. The fun comedy accounts that did skits that I LOVED, shushing everyone around me because my stories were on.
I also felt a bit disconnected from the world, like all had gone quiet. Sure, I still read the news, and multiple newspapers, but I was missing the nitty gritty stuff that had been happening. Perhaps I had been a little too into watching information about Gaza, the insanity that is happening in the states, the updates on Ukraine. The things you don’t hear in the news, or hear much about in the news. The personal stories and videos showcasing just what it really is like.
I felt like I had no idea what was going on in the world, anymore.
Perhaps because my feed was filled with SO MUCH information being slammed into my eyeballs and brain that to go without felt empty.
So, I decided to re-install Instagram on my phone. I knew I’d have to go back on there for my business profile (Juniper and Oak Publishing if any of you cool kids want to check it out) eventually, but I wasn’t sure if I’d ever return to the personal side of things.
Two minutes later, I was logged back in and scrolling around, but I noticed something this time. I wasn’t stressed. I wasn’t anxiously scrolling to fill time. I wasn’t worried about what would pop up on my feed. I wasn’t pissed off already at the internet, the world, everyone. I simply wanted to scroll. I wanted to see what I had missed, see if I felt the same feeling of…’ugggghhhhhhhhhhh’ that I had before uninstalling.
I waited for it, scrolling a little further, letting the random videos that popped up in my feed play instead of scrolling past to only those that I follow. But, the stress didn’t come. I laughed at some things, watched one of my favourite skit accounts, and read funny quips. I showed my husband something silly instead of immediately sending it to him and waiting for him to watch it on his own phone. We laughed together, instead of separately, going on with the infinite scroll. And then, just as easily as opening it, I closed the app and continued on with my evening.
Well, continued on to tippity tap it down on my laptop, of course.
It seemed I had reached what I had wanted to for months: communal computer surfing.
I had been trying to only use Instagram intentionally for over a year, now. Going on there to scroll when I felt like it, making it a whole event like it would be if you wanted to use the family computer in the internet days of yore. Unfortunately, I kept opening it up more often, I kept getting notifications from friends sending me things (never mad about that, but still easy to be pulled back in!), and kept feeling stressed and annoyed at the entire world.
When I took the app off of my phone and took a little reset from it, I reset my mind. I no longer craved it automatically. I didn’t even install it when I first thought about checking things out on a slower scale. I waited a couple of days before I thought ‘fuck it’ and just re-installed. I didn’t want to be pulled in right away, but I also didn’t want to fully miss out on the grandeur of the internet, if you will. I wanted to be connected, but just not 100% of the time.
Because that’s the best part about the internet, right? The fact that I was able to use it to have my French lesson from a woman who lives in Algeria. The fact that you’re reading this rambling that I’m doing instead of me begging any publication to take my work and then begging them to let me write whatever I want. It’s the fact that we can watch hilarious comics try out their material on Instagram or Youtube, or find newbies just breaking into the field.
It’s the FUN part of the internet.
Somewhere, we got lost along the way and the internet no longer became fun. It’s now full of AI and ads and insanity and lies and misinformation and anger.
Maybe we need to take a little reset now and again to find our way back there. Maybe we need to dial it back with the ads and influencing and the AI and the people speaking on huge platforms when they have no idea what they’re talking about. Let’s leave the medical advice to actual doctors, yes? Maybe we need to trim back on what isn’t serving us and protect the next generation so they don’t fall into the same trap.
So, will I continue on my journey of refusing to use Instagram? Will I fall back into my old ways and open up the app whenever I feel a little twitchy? Who knows. Perhaps there will be a part 3 coming. But, I do know that a little reset will be all it takes for me to feel better. And, if deleting it isn’t cutting it, surely logging out of an account I’ve long forgotten the password for will be the answer.
Juniper and Daisies 