This may be a bit more rambling than my usual writing because there are so many strange feelings that popped up when I did this exercise. Even more than when I went without Facebook, or the internet for a short time.
Over a week ago, in my true fashion, I got angry with the world. I saw that Meta would be reading your messages when you use the AI feature. So, only when you chat with the AIchatbot. Something I never do for my intense hatred of – nearly – all things AI.
But, the fact that a company would be scanning messages just to provide you with better ads? It pissed me right off.
I was already annoyed that we were using Messenger as our main group chat with my one friend group. I didn’t want to use any more Meta products than absolutely necessary (and, boy, could we go on a tangent about what is ‘necessary’). I was, also, already annoyed with Instagram. It felt angry, loud, full, and exhausting. It was no longer a fun place to go to kill time or *gasp* enjoy yourself, but a place of insane amounts of content to get through with even the light-hearted bits feeling stressful.
Truly, I blame video. It killed the radio star, after-all. At least, until podcasts rebranded talk radio.
Anyways, as the AI encroachment into every day life had started to rise, as ads began to fill Pinterest and everything in between, as influencers told the world vaccines were terrible and brought back viruses we didn’t have to worry about, this felt like the last straw in everything Internet related.
I switched the group chat to a text-based one (and, later found out that my texts are now powered through a google messaging platform…something I never realized my phone had swapped out before. But, one thing at a time…wooosaaahh), and uninstalled Instagram immediately.
I was done with the internet, I was done with social media, seemingly, ruling my life. As I text my friends: “I’m out with this shit”.
At first, it felt…strange. I kept grabbing my phone to try to open up Instagram whenever I had a few minutes creep in. I automatically went to Messenger when I wanted to message my friends. Somehow, I felt less inclined to message them through text than through Messenger. I no longer saw it as just a big blurb of random thoughts, but as something a little more structured. Still a place to vent and laugh and connect, but one that felt more like real life. What’s the difference? I have no idea, but there was one there, all the same.
Soon after, I wasn’t bothering to reach for Instagram, at all. I forgot all about Messenger until someone on a Free Facebook Group sent a message. Then, I started doing something I felt like I never had time for: reading and writing.
I jumped onto Substack, curious after making an account years ago, getting nervous because I can’t just write about one thing, ignoring it, and now coming back after checking things out for my business. It was exhilarating to see people writing and excited and it gave me a platform I could write, not just on a website where I had to curate and create and advertise. So I did more of it. I wrote. A lot.
It may not have equaled anything life-changing – yet. But, it pushed me to do something I never thought I would do, and that’s put out a chapter-by-chapter release of a novella I had been working on for a long ago project.
I was also reading more. Sure, not as much as my pre-teen self would have liked, but I was picking up a book whenever I felt like I needed to do something. My brain felt more open and clear. I wasn’t as angry or stressed.
Everything felt really, really good.
I also felt like I had so much more time even though I wasn’t chronically on social media. That’s how often I subconsciously checked it, or checked my phone, or scrolled for a bit just to ‘unwind’.
I had tried to use my phone like the Big Internet. Logging in when truly wanting to experience The Internet. Scrolling for only 10, or 15, minutes. It had helped, but I was doing it every single day, often multiple times a day. It still added up to way too much time. It still made me feel terrible.
It never really stuck and it still seemed like I was being pulled towards it. I was loving my new life without Instagram and I didn’t know if I was ever going to go back (spoiler: I did). But, I knew that my habits had already changed and I knew that I wouldn’t – hopefully – go back to constantly checking my phone without even realizing (spoiler, again: I didn’t).
So, if you feel like it’s just all too loud out there in the social media abyss, take a break. It’ll feel…strange, yet wonderful.
Juniper and Daisies 