I am bored. Bored with my hair. Bored with my decor. Bored with my writing. Bored with my friends and family and life and general happiness. I’m not sure why. But, I’ve begun to see a pattern as to when I start feeling this way, when the boredom and apathy starts taking over and it’s brought me to this new jumping off point. Which is a great place to start if you’re feeling bored because a jumping off point, no matter the height, is exciting.
This isn’t one of my usual posting days, but I’m starting a new experiment with myself, I wanted to post it when I started it (honestly, I should’ve posted it last night when I started rambling, but I figured some coherent sentences would be great). Lately, I’ve been feeling bored with everything around me and it’s been making me an angrier person than I already am. It took me a while to realize why, and I may still be wrong, but I’ve stopped caring about the world around me because I feel like I don’t need it.
Because, I don’t. Not in the way that I need trees and the eco-system to sustain itself so I can breathe and live, but in the way that I can alter my own eco-system and ignore the rest. If I have my phone, my social media connections and distractions, it doesn’t matter what’s going on around me, I’m carving out my own little world, my own little eco-system.
This, besides being a terrifying scene from a futuristic movie about robots taking over the world, is frightening in a whole new way. I’ve always tried my best to ignore all things internet and computer related, and nod along whenever people talk of Facebook making them feel less, making them feel sad, making them feel anxious. But, with the simplicity of acquiring new information and watching the best shows — right on my phone — I’ve forgotten my scorn for social media and the like, I’ve dove right in and lost myself in the process.
A few weeks ago, I was in Australia visiting my friend. There were 5 of us staying together, visiting and happy to see one another after months apart. Except, one night I noticed that we were all just sitting around on our phones. I noticed this because I hadn’t brought mine out yet, assuming we would be spending time together before we were apart. Now, we had been spending a lot of time together and some mindless scrolling is helpful when you’re constantly with people. I love to retire to my room to read even for 10 minutes during a busy cabin weekend. I even love to just sit in the bathroom for a minute or two if a party is particularly large and exciting/over stimulating. But, all I could see were people watching useless videos online instead of interacting with one another.
This happens all the time because we are constantly connected to our phones. Yes, I’m one of those people. I’ll stop to take some photos for instagram, sometimes posting that minute, but I physically try to keep my phone away so I can interact with the world around me.
At least, I used to.
I’ve slowly become so dependent on my phone, on being constantly entertained, on watching the next thing on Netflix that I’ve halted my ability to do anything but be told what to do from my phone. Reading is a chore. Going outside is exhausting. Yoga, meditation, general exercise is too much. This is all extreme, but it’s how I’ve been the last few weeks. I’ve been bored because I’ve been overstimulated with the screen in front of me. At least, that’s my assumption.
I’ve ignored reality and my surroundings, choosing to scroll through social media when bored rather than getting creative, exercising, or just giving into the boredom and seeing where it takes my mind. I talked about the stressors of living without the internet, but also about the absolute freedom and relief that comes from not being so attached here. I should know better, and yet, I keep getting pulled back in.
A startling discovery was when I didn’t want to watch anything on Netflix, but felt that I had to, that there wasn’t much else to do besides spend time on my phone. I was literally just wasting away hours until bed when I could’ve been doing so many more productive things, things that I love to do.
So, my new experiment is this: limited internet and phone usage. Earth-shattering goals, I know. While I cannot completely cut out my computer/tablet/phone from my life as it is part of my work, I can pump the brakes on it. I have my own routine to calm and destress me, one that I adhere to every night, but I’m taking it a step further. Maybe it’s not the only thing I need, but I’ve become so dissociated with life that I can’t ignore it any longer.
It’s time to use my phone/tablet/compute more wisely. It’s time to read more insightful articles both online and off. It’s time to waste an entire afternoon curled up on the couch with a good book and hot beverage instead of wondering if anyone posted on Instagram. It’s time to take my life back and integrate myself back into reality. And, if I get bored, the good kind of bored that lets your mind wander and day-dream, so be it.
Juniper and Daisies 