I’m not 100% certain on how long my husband and I have been together. We met at a cabin party, and eventually became serious, but the specific date? No idea. There was actually a highly entertaining night where I asked him and he became flustered and nervous because he thought I’d be getting mad at him for not knowing, when in reality, it was me who couldn’t pin down the date. Maybe that was when he knew marrying me would be a good idea.
Of course, I know what our wedding anniversary is. That’s a little more concrete and more memorable than some, ‘yeah we’re together’ moment during dating. Because, dating when you’re an adult is a lot more different than those exciting days when a boy would come up to you in the schoolyard, ask you to go out and then never speak to you again. I mean, I distinctly remember the beginning of mine and Marc’s great romance in 8th grade, but my now-husband? Who knows.
Recently, our first anniversary went by. Excited to eat the top of our wedding cake we had saved for the occassion and an expensive champagne I couldn’t drink at our wedding, I planned, and I use that word loosely, an anniversary day/evening: champagne, cake and Chinese food. That was as far as the planning went. Unfortunately, a storm ripped through our city and surrounding areas and my husband was called away to work for a full week. He came home just before midnight the day before we were to leave on a trip to Australia, exhausted and worn-down, so we boarded the plane the next morning and continued on living our lives. We never did get to celebrate our 1st anniversary together. At least, not until a month later where we just ate the cake and drank the champagne near-randomly during one Sunday afternoon, no fancy dinner (or take-out) planned. More of a ‘let’s just eat this before I eat it on you’ kind of day.
Instead of being crestfallen about missing our first anniversary, I shrugged and had a day eating whatever I wanted and watching whatever I wanted. It was a pretty good day, I must say. Yes, I was disappointed that we couldn’t do anything and celebrate such a ‘milestone’ (if you can’t make it one year, then why’d you get married in the first place?), and doubly disappointed that I couldn’t eat or drink the deliciousness I had planned on ordering, but I found myself not really caring that we missed the specific day. We jokingly said ‘happy anniversary’ when I made coffee for him, bleary-eyed at an ungodly hour before he went off to work an ungodly amount of hours, knowing I wouldn’t see him until I was already in the throes of delightful sleep that night.
Because, what is one simple day? Nothing. It’s a day that worked out in planning your wedding, it’s a day that cemented your relationship, taking it from casual to serious. It’s nothing more than a day.
Now, the 25th and 50th wedding anniversaries are something to be celebrated. You’ve made it a long time with someone without divorcing or killing them and that’s definitely a cause for a party. Instead of celebrating a day, you’re celebrating many, many happy (and some maybe not so happy) years of marriage. That kind of anniversary logic I can whole-heartedly get behind.
The anniversaries in between? Not so much. I have a friend who celebrates when they started dating and when they got married. Two different days. One celebrates in months and half-years, much like a first-time mother celebrates every month since her child has been born. While cute and incredibly nauseating each of those scenarios are, do they really truly matter? Do the smaller anniversaries matter as much as the bigger ones? Does it matter if you’re already loving each other and living and appreciating one another, not necessarily every day, but for most days of the year? Is it really that important to shout from the rooftops that this is your one true love, but only to be shouted once a year?
My answer is no. It’s not. Especially that last part. Social media doesn’t need a long-winded paragraph on how you and your one and only spent your anniversary. A nice picture will do. Let me like it quickly and scroll by without rolling my eyes.
If you’re celebrating every day like it’s your anniversary, then why go all out wonderfully and exuberently on just one day of the year, buying gifts and expensive wines and dinner? If you haven’t already guessed, my feelings on Valentine’s Day are pretty similar. Again, some yummy food and baked goods are all I really need.
To me, spending money on anniversary presents seems silly and not the best way to use your money. And, I use the term ‘your’ as in your money that you share. Are expensive anniversary presents really that important in the long (or short, depending how you see things) scheme of life? If you can afford to buy an expensive present for your anniversary, chances are you can afford to buy it, just because. And, when your money is all tied up together, then does it matter from whom it’s being given? Stay in, turn down the lights and enjoy that present a whole lot more than you would a pair of earrings or a watch.
My seemingly cynical point is this: there’s no need to go all out on an expensive hotel room or dinner or champagne just because it’s your anniversary. Do these things because you want to do these things for fun, that you would do them because it’s a Tuesday or a long-weekend, as well as your anniversary. Do it because these are the types of things you both like. If neither of you enjoy fancy dinners, then why waste the money, time and awkward car-ride and dinner conversation?
For us, we like ordering take-out (something we rarely do, even in this age of UberEats and Skip the Dishes) and sitting on the couch in PJ’s or sweats and enjoying each other’s company. Much like we do nearly every night together. While I enjoy an expensive bottle of champagne and even spendier restaurants, my husband hates them with a passion. He feels awkward and out of place and I would rather enjoy that with someone who will have a good time, like my girlfriends, than someone who is going to feel uncomfortable the whole evening.
Spend time with one another as you normally would, as you normally do. Use your anniversary to celebrate you and the things you both enjoy, but don’t feel pressured to go all out or even feel guilty if you both wake up forgetting what day it is. It’s just a day, anyways.
Juniper and Daisies 