I never used to be this scared. This anxious. I used to go head first into things, thinking I was invincible, that I could do absolutely anything if I just put my mind to it. I’ve lost that, and while some of it is my own fault, I’m going to selfishly put the blame on the entire world.
This world that we live in feels so absolutely chaotic I sometimes wonder how we will survive another day. Gas prices, food prices, housing, it’s all going up, up, up, while wages stay stagnant or they rise slightly and then inflation sets in, resulting in zero progress.
The threat of nuclear war is, once again, on our doorsteps as Putin unravels a little more every day, desperate to win a war that — almost — everyone is aghast he started in the first place.
A pandemic ripped through the entire world, bringing the economy and everyone to their knees. We found out just how reliant we are on certain countries to keep us in our Amazon orders. We found out that some people will believe absolutely anything if it’s spewed on Facebook or Instagram. We also found out how strong science can be. Sometimes, the spinning leads to some good things.
More shootings happened in America, and will obviously continue to happen as everyone clutches their guns tightly to their chests, screaming of ‘freedom’ as they bury children who didn’t deserve a single one of these horrific moments.
Still in America, women’s rights are being taken away at alarming rates. The most ‘free’ country in the world always felt constricting to me, but now it’s reverted back to times most of us have only read about in history books.
We learned, or re-learned, of a dark, dark past with the Canadian government and Indigenous children. Some schools seemed to have taught it (I remember this from elementary/middle school social studies), while others buried the history.
Every day a new poison comes to light. This will kill you, now. That will kill you, now. Check everything vintage for lead, but also don’t buy new stuff. Plastic will drown us all, vegetarian is the way to go, but also an environmentally friendly diet that includes meat is great, but don’t forget a new kind of milk, but it takes more water to make, but try the vegan butter, but it contains palm oil.
Our weather is turning on us, creating horrible disasters that are the norm. After two years of intense drought in my region, I second-guessed vacationing in France this year as they experience horrible drought conditions. The fact that this is the new normal kept my plane ticket active. I’ve also gotten pretty good at water conservation, so I guess that’s helpful when another person is selfishly added to a country.
All of this is happening, and we’re becoming desensitized to it all. Just like the start of the pandemic, which had me in tears as I read about people dying in Italy, and yet if you fast forward to only a few months later, seeing that only 10 people died of covid in my province didn’t seem so bad.
Yes, while I’ve listed a complete shitshow above, a lot of horrible things have happened throughout time. We really don’t need to look very far, it’s happened time and time again, and will clearly keep happening because humans are the most destructive animal on this planet. My father-in-law remembers having to duck and cover under his desk due to nuclear threats. We’ve seen many wars in the past 150 years. We’ve seen the Depression. We’ve seen times where women didn’t have the right to vote or own land or do anything. We’ve seen more than one pandemic. This is not new, and yet, it feels so powerfully heavy. Social media and constant news may be the culprits of this as we are constantly connected and aware of what is happening, and, yet, something feels different. It feels more ominous as time goes on. The future hasn’t looked bright in a long time, and some of that may be on my own outlook, my pessimism, and my anxiety. But, a lot has to do with yet another round of history repeating itself and one too many revolutions needing to be fought.
I’ve no easy answers to all of this, as there rarely is one to encompass everything, but we need to do better. As humanity, as a community, as the world. What other animal destroys their own happiness and their own home so easily, so readily? We need to grow up, look in the mirror, and wonder if this is really what we want our lives to look at. Because I’m sick of feeling scared of the future, scared of my daughter’s future. The future should always contain hope, always look bright, even if that light is barely peaking through.
Juniper and Daisies 